For This Child I Have Prayed
“For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him. So I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord.” 1 Samuel 1:27-28
My husband, Cameron and I are coming up on our 5 year anniversary! To know us is to know that marriage and a family were never quite at the top of our list(s) of things we wanted to accomplish in life. Both Cameron and myself have always had a drive to know that we’re in the will of God and to go/do whatever it is that we felt God was calling us to do. After we married in 2011, we never felt ready to have the “children” conversation until January 2015. Every year, we fast with our church – we are very specific with the things that we fast about to the point that I almost fast about what to fast about… maybe that’s a little over the top but I’ve seen the fruit of what fasting can do and know its importance! We both love great food so if we’re going to be giving that up then you bet its going to be for the right reasons so that we don’t waste any time! 🙂
In January 2015, it seemed almost as if God suddenly put this desire in me that it was the time to begin praying for our children. Still not fully settled on the idea, I began to fast and pray that it was fully in Gods hands and that if 2015 was the year that God wanted us to get pregnant then I resolved in my heart that it would simply happen in His time. After 6 months of “waiting to see what happened” June rolls into town with no signs of pregnancy. I believe by this time that my heart had changed from waiting to see what happens to actually desiring to be pregnant. During the summer of 2015, Cameron and I took a trip to North Carolina where he’s from with the intentions to refocus our lives a bit – we wanted to focus on praying and planning for our future with an agreed upon intent. Children, Camerons music, our callings, etc. Focus is so important – whether you are married or not – take the time you need to be focused on the time you invest into things that impact your life. We decided to split up our time of the trip with half spent at the family lake house which brings on such a slow, peaceful state of mind and the other half of our trip spent at the family beach house which brings on a more active approach. We enjoyed coffee by the lake on the swings for several days doing nothing but talking about how we felt, praying, and getting on the same page mentally. Then, at the beach house we were able to really sit down and put those thoughts to paper as we created a plan for some new things in our lives. By the summer, children had really become a focus and a desire; but, after months of negative results there was a slight sense of fear that attempted to creep into our hearts. Before leaving the summer trip, I earnestly prayed over myself and this child that God had put into my heart back in January – any topic you can think of was covered and after a couple of hours I came out with an overwhelming sense of trust. I left stating that I would not fear, I would not question or doubt, I would not rush to the doctor to see if anything was wrong… I was leaving it entirely in Gods hands and if it didn’t happen in 2015 then I said, “I trust you…” and I did. I fully left that trip trusting God that He had it all under control and would allow us to get pregnant when it was His right time.
Again, several more months went by and the end of September 2015 was coming to a close with still no news of a baby. To say that I stayed strong the entire time would be false. I certainly had my moments of fear and questioning. However, I had made a promise that I trusted His timing, that I wasn’t going to “plan” I was simply going to let Gods perfect plan fall into place. I had reached a place in my heart where I truly wasn’t dwelling on it any longer. It wasn’t in the back of my mind each night – I had finally fully given it to God… and I was pregnant. I just didn’t know it yet.
I understand that some women wait a lot longer than I did and have very different stories than I do. However, no story or journey is better than the next. This was my story and it was my journey and it was about 9 months of waiting for Gods promise to be fulfilled to then go through an additional 9 month pregnancy to hold the promise that God is still currently fulfilling. I discovered the last week of September that I was pregnant and kept that beautiful secret to myself for several days – I didn’t even share it with my husband (right or wrong?) there was just something in me that wanted to keep that beautiful secret to myself between God, the baby and I for just those moments. It was so special to me that for a small amount of time only the 3 of us would know of the babies existence – a time where I could properly thank my God for granting my petition. Those several days were spent weeping in gratefulness and praying over this child of mine, dedicating him even in that moment back to the heart of God.
Several days later, I told Cameron that we were expecting and we rejoiced together with this gift God has given us. Nearly 9 months later, I am still pregnant and awaiting to hold this promise in my arms. For this child, I have prayed and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him.
We won’t always be granted with the things that we ask of God and if we are granted those things that we ask of Him then there is no guarantee it will be granted on our perfect time clock either. Sometimes that can take days to years or never really happen at all. Even though I feel as the victor in this battle, this certainly isn’t the only battle that I’ve walked through. One thing (of the many things) I’ve learned during this journey in-particular is the value of a promise. If God has given you a promise, His word will not return void. In my personal experience of this journey and other journies that I’ve walked through it has been the very moment that I stop dwelling on the issue when I begin to see breakthrough. I believe many times that God desires for us to truly and fully let go of what we’ve asked of Him and begin believing – to trade our doubt for expectation.
Auden Honeycutt – 3D ultrasound – 8 months pregnant: To get these photos, the nurse had to move him around a bit. He had his hands and feet covering his face the first time that we tried to see him with the 3D ultrasound. A week later, we went back and captured these images… he still seemed a little upset that we had him move his foot from his face. I love his little lips in the bottom photo! Cannot wait to hold this child that I’ve carried for so long.